Wild Horses (AKA Ren Practices Dialog)

___The sky above was overcast, and there was nothing ominous about this fact; it was merely November. A flock of geese broke the soft, motionless gray in fast lines of animated black, calling out nosily to their comrades as they moved in perfect formation towards their winter grounds. There was something peculiarly effortless about their frantic wing beats, perhaps the instinct that drove them over frigid miles through the same migratory routes their ancestors had observed for generations. She envied the orderly, predictable world of the geese as she walked carefully across the slick frozen ground in the direction of the stable. She could already hear him inside, talking in quiet, comforting tones to the horse he was working on in a fashion that seemed out of place coming from someone of such rough-edged character.
___If he heard her enter, he gave no indication. His side was braced against the foreleg of an old thoroughbred gelding, arm extended to pinch the animal's fetlock as he clucked gently, trying to encourage the animal to raise its foot for a cleaning. The horse looked up at her, ears perked and hopeful for treats, but became disinterested when none were presented. It lifted its foot obligingly, and he held it firmly, the long sinewy muscles of his forearm straining slightly from the weight as he worked the pick first along the outer curve of the hoof, dislodging caked mud or feces - both looked about the same. She moved to the other side of the horse, placing one hand on its warm, muscular neck. The thoroughbred was too tall for her to observe him looking over its withers, so she dropped her head and peered around the long line of its throat.
___"You're here early," she observed. "And you weren't in class yesterday."
___"Yeah, I know," he replied to both statements of the obvious.
___"Were you feeling alright?" She watched as he worked the pick carefully but firmly around the raised ridge of the horse's frog.
___"Feeling fine, just not feeling like going to school," he replied, flipping the pick over and using the brush to remove finer debris.
___"Oh," she replied dumbly, running one arm along the horse's back and awkwardly floundering for anything to say.
___"You come down here for a reason?" He asked, his posture suddenly very stiff. She couldn't tell if it was in anticipation of her answer, or because he was working a stubborn piece of gravel free from the hoof.
___"Just to visit, I guess," she leaned her cheek against the horse's shoulder, its chestnut bulk blocking her view of him for a moment.
___"Me, or the horses?" he asked, an edge of spite creeping into his voice mingled with the teasing the words intended. She winced a little.
___"I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. It's just..." she couldn't finish the sentence without being more hurtful.
___He let the horse drop its foot and moved to its hindquarter without so much as glancing her direction, keeping close & running his hand down the animal's spine to avoid spooking it. It was less cooperative in raising its hind hoof.
___"It's just that you're uncomfortable around me now, right? Because it isn't mutual?" The horse pulled free of his grip the moment after he raised its foot a few inches from the ground. He tried again without so much as a sigh, maintaining better patience with it than with her.
___"If I knew, I would have never..." she peered over the slope of the horse's back, again unable to finish a sentence.
___"I'm glad you did. It was nice," he said flatly, trapping the horse's hock between his his knees this time to keep it from pulling away.
___"It was," she agreed, flush creeping into her cheeks. "But I never meant to lead you on," she added hurriedly.
___"You didn't," he said, and it sounded sincere. Flakes of dried shit fell to the concrete.
___"Then why did you tell me, afterwards I mean?"
___"Because, you didn't give me the chance to tell you before," he said with a sardonic laugh.
___"So it wasn't because of the sex?" Her voice grew hushed at the last word.
___"Just because there's something about sex in love doesn't mean there's anything about love in sex," he answered cryptically, the brush scraping against the horse's hoof. "Anyways, I felt this way long before that, so don't insult me by suggesting that my dick fell in love with you."
___Her ears burned with embarrassment and a hint of anger, but part of what he'd said made her curious.
___"How long?" she asked, leaning over the horse's flank with blue eyes focused intensely on his back. He paused in his work for a moment before answering.
___"Well, how long have I known you?"
___This caught her off guard.
___"You've dated since we'd met," she observed skeptically.
___"Yup," he replied, frowning and fingering a soft, off-color spot along the collateral sulcus. "Did you expect me to wait around for something that wasn't going to happen?"
___She frowned.
___"You didn't even try, though."
___"Didn't have to." He put the horse's foot down. "The outcome wouldn't have been different if I tried." She didn't argue. He continued. "The funny thing about loving someone who doesn't love you is," he said as he placed the hoof pick back in the supply case and now withdrew a rubbery round curry comb, "it's a lot like a wild horse." He began to move his hand in firm, rhythmic circles, starting just behind the horse's cheek and working down it's neck, still not looking at her. "You might feel the purest joy in your life watching it run wild, might want that horse to be yours like nothing else in the world. But no amount of love or desire is about to change the fact that it's not yours - it's free. And the only way to have it, unless it comes to you, is to force it, to break it." He worked the brush over the horse's shoulder, fingers of the opposite hand laced through the thoroughbred's mane. "And no one who really loves someone wants that." He stopped, finally looking up with the first hint of a smile dancing behind his dark brown eyes. "Besides, once you've got it, you have to spend your weekend picking shit out of its hooves, anyways."
___And she laughed, realizing with much relief that they were going to be okay.